This past week I did a brief interview for Care2.com, about vegan parenting. With some of the controversy that arose with the “Vegan Is Love” book, I was asked a few questions. They posted the piece yesterday.
Today I read this comment that was posted to the article. This person said:
“What I have noticed most with all the vegans I have met or seen (including the photo of the author of this article) is their skin always looks prematurely wrinkled, extremely thin or exceedingly pale, usually with dark undereye circles, probably from iron deficiency.”
Can I speak to this, folks? I did leave a comment on the article, but really want to elaborate here. That photo was taken as part of a family photo shoot just 2 or 3 weeks after our third baby was born. 3 WEEKS! Anyone that has had children knows that 3 weeks pospartum, you look and feel like crud. And, not only was our baby up about 5 times through the night (and had reflux), I had two other children to take care of during the day – and also had in-laws visiting at the time. So, forgive me if I have dark circles under my eyes and some age-appropriate wrinkles, I had a lot on my proverbial plate. And, I was 39 at the time.
And, I had a few wrinkles. What 39 woman doesn’t? I don’t mean women in Hollywood. On that topic, when Jennifer Lopez was named “the most beautiful woman in the world” last year, I thought “wow, now 40 year old women have that standard to live up to“.
She doesn’t look 40 on this cover. I would like to see Jennifer without the special make-up and lighting and photoshop work. I know she is still beautiful, because she IS a beautiful woman. Here, however she looks more like a beautiful 28 year old than 40 year old.
I just need to say this because I’ve been “out there” for more than 10 years now. I know that being a visible spokesperson for living vegan, and being a vegan mom, I will always be judged on my appearance – because my photos are on the internet. It’s very hard, and like I said in my comment, I try to judge my health by how I feel. And most days I feel pretty damn good. Most days. I am a mom of 3 with no extended family support, that is also running her own career without much assistance. So, my days are full-on, and there are no vacations or weekends.
I work hard because I am passionate. But, alas, I am 41, so I won’t look 30. I think I look pretty good for my age, but also I feel very good for my age. (Excepting these occasional judgemental comments, that is.)
As women, we are judged FAR more on our appearance than are men. It is unfortunate that women take so much judgement for how they look – rather than being judged for what they contribute.
Finally, to address the issue of iron. It is a gross misperception that vegans are anemic. It has been shown that “iron deficiency anemia is no more common among vegetarians than among the general population“. If you are eating foods like dark leafy greens (kale, collards, bok choy), beans and nuts and seeds and other varied whole foods, it is not at all difficult to obtain the iron you need on a vegan diet.
(p.s. I write this today not to seek compliments or reassurance – we all enjoy such positive feedback, but that is not my intention. Rather, I want to speak to the unreasonable and unattainable expectations for women as they age – and the equally unfair judgements placed on vegans.)
drmelissawest says
I’m so glad you did this blog post Dreena, I think it has been necessary and supportive group therapy Dreena. Thank you my love! xoxo
And, like Dreena says, most of the time, I can just let them go and delete them, just every once and a while, one of them gets under the skin, like a bad sliver.
And Thank you Christine … I didn’t expect somebody who was familiar with my content to be reading my comments here! And you don’t worry about me anymore, my husband Tim has taken over moderating youtube comments, I only get to review solid and worthwhile content comments now … he deletes all the others and blocks them for me now!!! xoxo
…that could be something you might want to consider too Dreena if you have an assistant!
Love, Melissa
Dreena says
Melissa, that is SO smart to have Tim do that moderating. Because when Paul saw what was written he was livid and I think wanted me to just throw in the towel. He sees how much I care and then how easily I can be hurt, so it pains him and he just wants to protect me. No doubt that’s why Tim is doing that job for you. We are blessed to have loving, loyal husbands. Thank you for being a kind friend and a great supporter. xo
bitt says
What a rude thing for the person to say! I am so glad you addressed you. I think you always look pretty awesome in your pictures, not fake. I like a few wrinkles in this botox day and age.
Alison says
When I hear that whole “vegans are iron deficient” BS, I have to chime in that when I was pregnant with my daughter–and wasn’t a vegan–I was eating hamburgers almost nonstop. And guess what? I got iron deficient and had to take a special iron supplement. And then just recently when I was pregnant with my son, while eating a vegan diet, my iron levels were perfect. No iron deficiency at all! So there. A well-planned vegan diet can provide all the nutrients you need.
Dreena says
thank you for adding that, Alison. Since posting this, I’ve heard from quite a few people that have mentioned the same! And, as Dr. Barnard notes in “Food For Life”, there is also a problem with consuming too much iron, which can happen on a meat-centric diet. Thanks for the comment. 🙂
drmelissawest says
Dreena, this blog entry struck a chord with me as another person who also puts herself out there in the public. You would not believe the comments I get on my youtube channel!!! They very rarely have anything to do about the yoga and almost always have to do with my appearance. I can be too thin, too chubby, good looking for an older woman, they complain about my underwear lines (would they prefer me not to wear underwear?), they comment all the time about my *ss (thankfully I have a small chest or else there would be endless comments about my breasts as well). Most comments are too disgusting to repeat here and get deleted. Most of the time I can let them go. Sometimes I feel really hurt like one day when they suggested “nobody wants to look at an old unattractive woman like this, get a younger model to do these shows” … especially when our tag line is Real Yoga for Real People. Anyway, I don’t really have a point… other than, isn’t it nice when people actually comment on the content? Love, Melissa xoxo
Christine Magiera says
Oh Melissa, that is absolutely disgusting, disappointing and heart-wrenching that someone as sweet and beautiful as you has to deal with comments like that. As a member of your site, I joined for many reasons. Yes, you don’t look like a super model, and that’s what’s appealing to me because I don’t look like a super model. You are sweet and funny and I love when the geese walk in front of the camera, or I can hear the birds chirping so loudly they sound like they’re right in my living room with me. Your true loving nature comes through and that is what drew me to you.
I know it’s hard to move on from those hurtful comments but know that there is much more love for you than criticism.
Christine Magiera says
Ok, now I feel guilty that I said you don’t look like a super model. Let me just clarify…you are a beautiful vegan-fed yoga practicing woman who has a very attractive figure. Much better than mine, it must be that third boy who left me with a parting gift (aka a pouchy tummy!!). Oh well, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Just as Dreena says, we sometimes feel the pressure to live up to the image portrayed in the mainstream media. It’s not necessary. Most of us understand the pressure and let it go, but still find that pressure is annoying and unachievable. Melissa, just like the majority of us, is beautiful in more ways than one and that greatly enhances the actual beauty in her and us.
Dreena says
And, Melissa, I can vouch for how much Christine appreciates and values your work. She raved about you in an e-mail. 🙂 So kind of you to comment back to Melissa, Christine.
Dreena says
Melissa, you know I adore you, and it hurts me to hear that you’ve received those comments. Your work and passions are to bring people to a better, healthier, and happier place. And, in that path you are met with rude and unkind comments? I am sorry you have had to experience that. I understand how it feels, so know how you felt reading them. And, you cannot ‘unread’ them, if you know what I mean. How are we “old”? What, once we pass 30, we are deemed “old”? It is the youth-worshipping media culture that feeds this kind of thinking.
And I think I was compelled to write this post also because just a couple of days earlier I had a blog comment out of the blue saying “you are too skinny!”. It could have been a troll, but it bothered me, because again, it had NOTHING to do with my post. I wasn’t saying I had the perfect body, much like in this article I wasn’t talking about antiaging! I have bizarrely long lanky arms and a tiny bone structure, and so I look a bit, well, gawky at times. But this is me, dammit! So, you are either not thin enough, or too thin, or too whatever-that-doesn’t-fit-the-ideal-image of what ‘we’, as women, should be. If my husband’s picture had been in that parenting article, I highly doubt anyone would have commented on his wrinkles, just as a side note.
All I can say is that I value the women (and men) that build other women up. That value them for all that is beautiful about them, outside and inside, and that want to celebrate them for what they contribute. You are one of those women, Melissa. As are many that commented here. And, I also value YOU, my dear friend. xo
Nancy says
I run a vegan meetup group and have been involved in vegan activism for well over a decade. I agree with everything you have said, Dreena. It’s unfair to judge you. But I do feel the need to speak up about one thing:
I am the last person to defend zealot-like veganism. Nor do I tend to believe things just because they support veganism. But I can honestly say that, in my experience, vegans, as a group, in general, rather than looking prematurely older than their age, actually usually look far younger. There are always exceptions.
People are regularly not just surprised but actually flabbergasted to learn my true age. I am regularly assumed to be over 15 years younger than my age. And my vegan friends are mostly similarly misjudged.
There was an article in the Vancouver Sun saying that people following a Mediterranean diet tend to look on average 10 years younger than their age. I believe it because this is what I see among vegans, who follow the next closest diet. Diets full of fruit and vegetables are good for the skin!
So, while I agree that it is unfair to hold vegans up to some high standard to defend the diet, I also have to say that vegans don’t just look no better or worse than anyone else. Come to a vegan gathering sometime. The people are on average slimmer than the general population and their skin looks good! That is, unless they’ve just given birth and been up all night with a crying baby!